Re-dedication to Positive Thoughts

Recently I have felt like I have been in a bit of a funk.  I don't know whether it is the gray skies, lousy weather, busier atmosphere at work, lack of sleep, or just general blah feeling.  I feel terrible in the aftermath when I take out my bad mood on my family and specifically my husband.  He doesn't deserve this. 

I didn't think I was going to go to church today because I overlap work on Saturday/Sunday/Monday this weekend.  Working paired with attending my religious services equals little to no sleep for me, which face it is a big deal.  When I announced I didn't think I would attend church this weekend, Jesse was very sad.  He told me he felt like we needed that blessing in our lives and with the stress of upcoming job interviews we needed any extra blessings we could get.  Face it....I was guilt tripped into going.  Not just by him either.  As soon as he gently reminded me of the blessings of attending my church services, I also felt like this was an important thing I had been about to blow off. 

To compensate for the lack of upcoming sleep, Jesse did the best think he could do.  He let me sleep in quite long on Saturday morning.  Like 10am long.  Crazy right? I don't really remember sleeping in like this in a long time (although I will preface this by saying that I did get up at 7am with Eli and helped him turn on the morning cartoons and get some breakfast before going back to bed).  Either way, it was a pleasant surprise to have such a relaxed morning, that orchestrated itself into a pretty good family day.

Even with such a nice morning/day under my belt, it was still a little rough getting home this morning and immediately beginning the Sunday morning church routine.  This involves, begging, pleading, and finally demanding that children put on their Sunday clothes and hurriedly eat our breakfast.....which was yummy homemade buttermilk pancakes {one of our Toronto staple breakfast go to meals}.  At one point I had this ridiculous urge to run upstairs, jump under the covers and hide from everything.  I could pretend that no one needed me and I would blissfully fall asleep into a deep slumber for the next 24 hours or so.  Fortunately I did not follow through with this and patiently tried to gather all of our things before heading out the door for church.  Jesse also followed suit and jumped right in, helping finish the boys up and herding the children into the car.  Amazingly enough we managed to get to church a good 5 minutes early, which is very nearly our record so far in NH.  Eli kept commenting that "Mommy, we are sooo early. The man hasn't even stood up to talk to us...isn't that so awesome?!"  We even managed to score ourselves soft seats up front, BONUS.

I was so proud of my children today.  They all sat reverently in their seats during Sacrement meeting, they {tried to} sang during the hymns and quitely colored from the coloring books.  Because of this, it allowed me to really sit back and really read the verses of the hymns we sang.  One of the verses really touched my soul today on Hymn 191: "Behold the Great Redeemer Died".  Verse 3 says:

"Although in agony he hung, no murm'ring word escaped his tongue.  His high commission to fulfill, he magnified his Father's will."

This immediately brought me to tears.  I thought about how many times I have complained about minscule incoveniences in my life.  I have almost become bitter over the last six months about some of our individual trials, making my life much less happy and joyful than it is meant to be.  If my Savior can hang in agony on the cross and still not complain, then I should definitely be able to work through some of these trials with a positive attitude and a kind heart to those around me.  After all, we shouldn't wait until tomorrow comes to be happy.  There is no reason why we can't find joy in the journey.  So with this post, I am rededicating myself to finding joy around me.  Whether that is through reading on my kindle at night instead of worrying about a perfectly clean house, playing a little more with Eli, smiling even when I am super tired, finding the good in my husband and celebrating our little victories.